bio

Marshall Blonsky Biography


Marshall Blonsky was born in Kansas City, Missouri. From the age of seven, he studied the violin and dreamt of a concert career. Those dreams were dashed when, in 1956, Ivan Galamian, at that time the greatest violin teacher in the world, told him he would “never be one of the immortals.” Blonsky, a 17-year-old, then moved his dreams into literary studies at Yale College, where he graduated Scholar of the House, magna cum laude, in 1959.

He acquired some life experience in show business of the 60s, working as an assistant to the Broadway and television producer Leland Hayward. His specific task was being the “buddy” to comedian Buck Henry, which meant doing anything Buck wanted, especially laughing at his jokes. This helped the young sidekick understand the thin line between reality and fiction. In the late sixties he became assistant to one of America’s top journalists, Alfred G. Aronowitz, who was under contract to the Saturday Evening Post. In the capacity of researching for and writing with Aronowitz, Blonsky smoked pot with Bob Dylan and tried to date the singer Diahann Carroll.

Tiring of life experience and celebrities, he matriculated in 1970 at The Writing Seminars of Johns Hopkins University where he became intoxicated with structuralism and semiotics, which had just taken Hopkins by storm. Blonsky remembers his first party with Jacques Derrida, so different from partying with Dylan. Here, the only substance was words.

In 1971, Blonsky received his master’s in writing from Hopkins; in ‘74, he received his M.Phil. in English and comparative literature, from Columbia University; and in ‘79, obtained his Ph.D., again in comp lit at Columbia, under the direction of Paul de Man, chairman of comparative lit at Yale. Blonsky’s dissertation was on Coleridge, Wordsworth and Mallarmé, and De Man, approving it one day in New Haven, said: “I could have deconstructed you … but I won’t.”

Blonsky’s life was decided; since then, it has been ruled by an eagerness to be both in the world and decode its meanings. A satisfying but impossible task.

Blonsky has taught at The New School in New York (1973-1993), where he introduced semiotics to its first generation of students; at New York University (1988-1997); at Vassar College (1990); at Cooper Union (1991).

In 1994, he participated in the faculty of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. In 1996 he became senior advisor to the director, New Directions for News, School of Journalism, University of Missouri. For too much of the 90s, he managed the treacherous life of Senior Fellow at The Wolfson Center for National Affairs, The New School, bringing scholarly and creative celebrities to be interviewed in public at the School. He currently teaches semiotics in Critical Studies, Parsons School of Design, New School University.

In 1985, Blonsky published On Signs (Johns Hopkins University Press/Basil Blackwell), the widely used text on semiotics, which became a VLS bestseller. In 1989 he wrote the introduction for Private Property by the photographer Helmut Newton, published by Schirmer/Mosel in Munich and republished in the February ‘98 issue of Taiwan Playboy. In 1992 he published American Mythologies (preface by Umberto Eco), which became a sort of succès d’estime, landing Blonsky on The Charlie Rose Show, Pozner & Donahue, Good Morning America, Oprah and others. He has also commented on NBC Nightly News, CNN News Hour, Hard Copy, National Public Radio, etc. on subjects as varied as shopping to Umberto Eco to O.J. Simpson. He’s often quoted in such publications as The New Yorker, The New York Times, Financial Times and U.S. News & World Report on subjects as diverse and absurd as cowboy boots, the oily fluidity of Monica Lewinsky’s name, the meaning of the Marlboro Man and the portrayal of youth on Times Square billboards.

Among the many magazine articles he has written, he is reasonably proud of the Ted Koppel and Umberto Eco profiles, both published in The New York Times Magazine (1988, 1989), the Vanity Fair piece on Merv Griffin, Donald Trump and Atlantic City (1990), as well as the series “Marshall in Wonderland” written for The Washington Post/Outlook section (1988-’89), going from stumping with Pat Robertson to spending six intermittent months with NBC Nightly News to playing fly-on-the-wall backstage at numerous Hollywood game shows. Blonsky is a contributor to the Roman magazine, called the Italian Wired, Telèma, and to the cultural section, “mais!” (more!), of the Brazilian newspaper-of-record, Folha de S. Paulo.

Marshall Blonsky has been profiled in The New York Times (June 1996), Smithsonian Magazine (September 1993), The Washington Post/Style (July 1992), and in Europe by such magazines as Europeo and Panorama.

In the course of researching American Mythologies, he traveled profusely. In Tokyo he conversed with a mechanical dog; in Milan he hung out with Armani; in Moscow he had lunch with Yevtushenko and a vodka-drenched dinner with Voisnesensky, fighting him for the check and, thank God, losing. As a social commentator on America he has traveled from the Bangor Maine of Stephen King to the Washington, D.C. of (once) master-of-the-universe John Sculley to the Cupertino, California headquarters of Apple Computer.

Blonsky is currently engaged in two book projects, American Mythologies 2 and Marshall Arts, intended as, first, a memoir, then a theatrical production.


The Key to the Magic Kingdom

By Umberto Eco


Marshall Blonsky mentions Barthes often enough in this book that it is perhaps worthwhile to tell a story that our author did not know until now. A bit of his prehistory.

Milano 1974. First Congress of the Internatiional Association for Semiotic Studies. Twenty minutes before the opening ceremony. We had planned the Congress for two hundred people. In the course of the last months, we had realized there would be more, but we were not expecting the more than eight hundred people who materialized that morning. And among them were an impressive number of Big Ones. Somebody said that the floor looked like a Who’s Who.

And there, patiently waiting, a moustached man who introduced himself as Marshall Blonsky. I felt embarrassed (you’ll see why) and I looked for Roland Barthes, who was the most distinguished member of the Reading Committee. We had spent the previous year in evaluating the papers we received, and they were so many that the Committee was obliged to split into subcommittees. Every group accepted the papers of the acknowledged leaders in our discipline, rejected the blatantly crazy ones, and the whole committe met only to discuss the dubious cases. While shaking hands with Blonsky, I realized that his case had remained unsolved because at first reading, his paper had looked to me so linguistically coiled upon itself that I was not sure it would have been understood by normal human beings.

Now, reading Blonsky’s preface to this book, I understand why. He was “probably one of the first semioticians teaching in New York City...[managing] to impregnate [his] students with Frenach ideas,” and he was doing so by inventing an intricate French-like English which in its turn was trying to imitate the German-like French of Lacan, or at leastm of many Lacanians. We all have to start somewhere, and the American making love to his students with la jouissance (I remember that part) was the prototype Blonsky before he got to us. Thus I had put his paper apart for a further discussion with Barthes and other members of the Committee. And then I forgot it (believe me, the last two months before the opening of an international congress always are a damned mess, and I won’t repeat such an experience again).

I realized that Blonsky did not know as yet whether he was admitted or not; but, a man of faith, our Pilgrim had sailed from the East Coast to reach the Semiotic Eldorado.

So (the secretary of the Congress, Doretta Gelmini, being a genius) I retrieved in five seconds Blonsky’s paper. I fond Barthes at the bar sipping a mineral water, and I told him my problem. Barthes took the paper and disappeared for fifteen minutes. Then he came back and said: “It’s true, it is awkward, but there is someting intriguing here... Let him speak.”

End of story. With this writing, Marshall is also paying a tribute to the Magic Donor who gave him the Key to enter the Enchanted Palace of All Mythologies.


Preface to Blonsky, American Mythologies
(Oxford University Press, New York, 1992)

The Autobiography of Umberto Eco

By Marshall S. Blonsky

   East 12th street, New York City.  Natural floors, a temporary black sofa on them.  Speakers are in the corner.  There, an electric guitar, earphones, amplifier, keyboard.  A fichus is another corner, looking sort of lonely.  Boxes are everywhere, books in them: Webster's New World Dictionary, The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas, (another book covers it) by Jamaica Kincaid, Ulysses, Poetics of Aristotle, The Name of the Rose... A computer is on a designer card table.  A toy King Kong is climbing kitsch Empire State Building.  A telephone book is open to Mattresses.  Umberto Eco, who can now legally bring money out of Italy, sits on the sofa in the two-bedroom apartment he has bought for his son, Stefano, and for himself, a pied à terre for his thrice-yearly visits to New York now that his fame prevents his former pedagogic life at New York University (often combined, in the 70s, with semesters at Yale).  "Now I will have a room of my own instead of these impersonal, sterile $200-a-night hotel rooms," he's just said.  "You know, New York is not an American city," he tells his visitor.   "It's a European, Mediterranean city that just happens to be on the other side of the Atlantic." 

   Visitor: Dimmi.  How do you want to start?

   How do you think?  Ab ovo. Or almost.  I am not afraid to recount the source, the Ursprung.  So.  I was born in Alessandria, a city that now amounts to a little less than 100,000 inhabitants.  But it was like that thirty years ago.  It is like that now.  It means it is not growing, very flat.  There are beautiful hills around, but the city is flat.  It was a city very important historically, because when Fredric Barbarossa, the German emperor, invaded Italy, the pope, Alexander the Third --  and many other free communes, because there were the free cities in Italy -- paid a lot of money to encourage people living in little boroughs to make up a new city to stop Fredrick Barbarossa.  And that was Alessandra, from the name of the pope, Alexander.  And they stopped Barbarossa.  They did their job.  And in exchange, they had a city.   And after that, the city underwent many historical events, but nothing really important.

   The main feature of the city is that for all the winter, is completely submerged in the fog.  A fog in comparison with which London is Miami.  And this fog, I think, was very important to me.  To live in the fog means to elaborate an attitude of introspection and prudence.  I like the fog.   I like the fog even when I am driving in the fog on the highway, which is the most terrible thing that can happen to somebody, and everybody is terrified by driving in the fog, and me, too, I would prefer there was no fog.  When driving in the fog, I feel comforted.  Fog is a sort of maternal womb that wraps you.  Maybe you have seen the Amacord of Fellini in which there is this scene of the old man in the fog that loses his own way.  This is more south than my city but it seems there is enough fog.  But fog is that.  And it is not by chance that there is a whole chapter of The Name of the Rose that is set in the fog.

   Another characteristic of my city was skepticism.  It was built up in order to resist the emperor.  They did it but they didn't elaborate any heroic myth about that.  It happened, okay.  it seems that once Saint Francis of Assisi passed through Alessandria and converted a wolf.  Now all the story of Saint Francis of Assisi is centered about his conversion of the wolf in Cupio, central Italy.  He converted a wolf also in Alessandria but everybody forgot.  They had a rich Hebrew community during Middle Ages and Renaissance, but they didn't have really a ghetto.  I don't say it's a virtue.  They were not fanatic to conceive of a ghetto, so my city is a non-heroic city.  There are are no heros --  my city taught me that there are no heros.  And there is no need, not exactly to die for something, but in any case to kill other people for something. 

   I remember that the chief of the communist party, Togliatti, in 46 or 46 was shot by a fanatic.  while he survived but in this oment theree was a very danger4ous moment in italy because all the workers all the comunist associationraised up.  we were on the verge of a new civvl war, then everything was settled.  but i remember in italy evrybody was on the central square protesting for the attempted assasination of togliatti and suddenly he saw an airplane passing with some publicity on its tail, and I looked at the airplane. I  thought, 'How curious!  You see, they are inventihg every day new things,' and they chatted a lot about that and then they went on. 

   Is a skeptical city in which everybody did their own job when it was necessary, but without exaggerating.  Causaubon in the Pendulum.  The city was famous in the world till a few years ago because the Borsalino hats were produced in Alessandria, so Alessandria was a worker's city.  Always governed by Communists or socialists because the city works.  Now, Borsalino has declined.

   My father was an accountant in a small firm, they were selling iron, buying and selling iron.  My father was the first child of thirteen children and the son of a typographer, typesetter.  So it means a very low social status.  My grandfather was, it seems, I didn't know him because he died when I was three or four (so I have some imprecise memories), he was a socialist as far as a socialist could exist at the time.  And for instance he organized strikes.  During the strikes there are the so-called crumiers, the scabs, those workers who are against the the strike.  My grandfather was afraid that the crumiers would be beaten by the strikers, so he gave them to eat.  And one night, my father went back to his home with children, thirteen children, and he saw this table with people who were eating what there was to eat.  And these were the crumiers that my grandfather was saving from the strikers whom he organized.  Paradox.

  Vis.: And you in all this?

   Me, it will be eventually.  Senti.  He, my  grandfather, being a typographer, he had in his house many books, because in the free time he was binding books.  And so my father when he was a boy read many books.  Popular stories.  Read many books.  And this was an important element in my youth, because my father told me many stories about stories, and he gave me the taste for narrativity.  Beyond this, my infancy was the most normal in the world. 

   Later, when I was already making the high school, studying philosophy, then my father told me, "Ah, philosophy is interesting, I never studied philosophy, obviously."  My father made only the first schools and then he went to work.  He was probably an intelligent person, a reader, but not a specially cultivated man.  He said once, I remember, "There was here in Alessandria somebody giving a public lecture on Kant, and I don't know why, I went there and I had impression that the theory of Kant is okay with...we believe this is a ship because we call it a ship, but if we called it another way it wouldn't be a ship."   Obviously my father mistook the Kantian philosophy, by which the experience is shaped on the ground of some mental structures and so on.  And he mistook the fact of so-called Kantian transcendental principle with the fact that we are applying a word to things.  But [laughs] if I consider  that I devoted my life to the study between words and thoughts, and thoughts and reality, and the way in which our way to look at reality is determined by our words, probably this short report from my father...it influenced me.  Now, from my scientific point of view, I could say that my father misunderstood a lecture on Kant and believed that Kant thought as Benjamin Lee Whorf.  But in any way, it influenced probably my life. 

   My father, I told you, was an accountant, he was an employee.  He knew I was a professor, an intellectual, but he never understood what I did to the day he died, but he died proud of me and I am happy of that.  [Pauses]  I just wish [pauses] he could have seen something of what happened...I mean,with the Rose. 

Quiet in the room.  King Kong slowly ascends the Empire State Building.

  Let's tell another story.  After the war...[interrupts himself]...so I belonged to that generation educated under fascism, the uniform, all that stuff.  At the age of 11 since the bombing of the city was becoming pretty heavy, we went out into the countryside.  What I tell about Jacopo Belbo and those stories are personal memories of that time.  Before the war, I had started going to the so-calledOratorium, a Catholic group, and went  back to it after --

Vis.:  Stay with the war.  I'd like an image of your mother in it, your father...

   My mother...  I was living my childhood during the war and in a moment in which food was not so easy to find. We were not poor yet it was impossible to find food.  And I am preoccupied with the new generation who do not know what war is, who do not know what does it mean, starving during the war, starving with my mother crying because she couldn't have flour, could not find the farina with which to make... [his voice catching,] 

A beat.

What is the difference between "flower" and "flour"?

Vis.:  [astonished, utterly mute]

   My mother cried because she failed to find ... yes, something to eat.  And then the day after, she found marons, chestnuts.  Flour.  And so she made beautiful pie and we ate.  And we were not poor.  Now obviously I live in an affluent society, not only myself.  I know others of my generation are very embarrassed when in a restaurant they bring, even in Europe, too much.  I want to leave something on the plate. Because of my mother--

Vis.:  Why at a certain moment you refuse during a meal--

   -- who had to go into the woods to find marons  One, a single one, is precious to us and so we cannot  eat  the whole plate.  So.  Before the war I had started going to the Oratorium, and after I resumed.  And I belonged faithfully, strongly, dogamatically, passionately to this and the other Catholic organizations.  And for me it meant a real commitment, chastity, the Holy Communion, possibly every day, studying Bible and the Gospels, organiizing people.  I am unable to ski because when my schoolmates went on Saturday and Sunday to ski, I was there organizing younger people -- like right or wrong, my party --  taking part in an organization strongly, faithfully, 24 hours per day until the moment I was called during the university to be in the national office of the organizzation..  I was at the top of the organiation,meeting even the pope ,who who was at that time Pius XII.  But we, this bunch of national leaders of the Catholic organization, started at the point to read two authors.  One was Emanuel Munier, this personalist esprit which was a left-oriented Catholicism -- and Gramsci.  And so at a certain point  there was a confrontation between left wing of the Catholic organization and the oldest ones, who were more right wing.  And so I left.

   But in the meanwhile I was studying Medieval philosophy at the university and so this break that for many of my friends of that time was only a political break -- many of them became and remained Christian  Democrat -- for me, coincided with a religious crisis.  To explain how a religious crsiis can raise up is very difficult.  It's not that you make a certain philosophical criticism of your ideas.  It would be very strange that I got a religious crsisis while studying the Middle Ages theologians like Aquinas.

   It's not enough, in order to explain why you lose your faith, to say that you made philosophical reflections.  iI's not enough to say there had been a delusion, because our organization was trying to do sometihng that for us was very important and our bosses that said the contrary.  That is not enough.  There are many reasons and the believers say that at a certain point you lose your faith.  Luther could say that  God doesn't give you any longer  the grace  of faith.  There can be many episodes that can explain a lot of things.  I give you one.

   Once, we who were belonging to the Rome directorate of the organization of the Catholic students, were invited to meet the pope, Pius XII.  We made a bet.  My friends said, "We are convinced that you are unable to tell a joke to make him laugh."  So we bet a dinner.  And, as a matter of fact, I succeeded in telling a joke during our conversation ,and he smiled.  So I had my dinner.  Irrelevant.  But  during the meeting the pope, very spiritual -- do you remember Pius XII? -white, pale, very supernatural -- saw a young man with a medal..  "Oh, what is this medal?"  And young  man said, "Is the first prize, the national awardfor the championship of ping pong."  And the pope asked, "Ping  pong, what's that?"  And somebody said, "Is table tennis."  - "Ah," pope said, "tennis, beautiful sport."  -"Ah," the young man said, "it's not tennis -- table tennis."  -"Ho, ho," the pope smiled.  "Is not so tiring."  And so I discvered that in this moment, Pius XII heard for the first time about ping pong. 

   Now I don't know if you know how the Italian Catholicism is organized.  Every parish has a priest and has a bunch of young people around the parish, and the basic instrument of the community is the ping pong, as in China.  It was impossible at that time to conceive of a small parish in Italy at least without ping pong.  It was the first object  a priest put there in order to have young people around.  So in a sense ping pong was the sym;bol of Catholic organization..  [Hushed voice] Pius XII, born Prince Pacelli, had never been in his life, not even in his youth, in a parish.   He was educated to be a pope but he never saw what the real life of Catholic people was.  I'm not saying that this determined my apostasia but [laughs ]I am choosing it as an epiphany of the disappointment I felt in tthis moment -- to find that the pope had never been ,as every other human, as every other priest in the a parish ,in his own parish, in his city, in his village, because he would have known what ping pong was.  It  was as if I discovered that the pope didn't know what a cross was or what a rosary was. 

   So in the early 50s I abandoned the organization and there was many people that abandoned it with me at that  moment.  And among them, very important people, the philosopher Gianni Vatimo or the extreme leftist organizer Tony Negri, who is now in Paris because in Italy he has beeen condemned to 30 years, and some others who are now or who were until recently Christian Democrat ministers.  So it was a very strange diaspora.

   You know, some years ago I met, 25 years later, one of my old pals, who was until  recently a Christian Democrat minister, and I told him, "Do you realize that one third of us are in the government, one third are in jail, and one third are -- there is an expression  formerly used in the socialist and communist movements all around the world in order to say  those people who were okay, more or less linked to the left but who didn't belong to the party, who were doing by themselves.  The expression was cane ciorti, chiens sans colliers,free dogs,wild dogs.  So one third, like me, are free dogs, not belonging to a specific...

   But I think that all this period of my life was the most romantic one because afterwards I did what every writer or schloar does: belong to groups, taking part in debates, nothing really exciting.

   Vis.:  Furio [Colombo, writer, Eco's oldest friend] told me that  your  working for RAI after university, he is convinced that there the Opera Aperta [Open Work,1962]was born.

   For sure.  Immediately after my graduation it was difficult at that moment, due to the Italian situation, to find a place in the university, and there was this opportunity to apply for the position in the TV and radio, and as far as TV was concerned we were in a pioneering period, 54.  The Italian  TV had started since two, three years.  It was at the beginning.  It was pretty exciting to try this experience.  So I stayed in the TV from 54 to 58.  Then I went  to make my military service, because being in peacetime it was possible to postpone the military service till  26 years and I postponed it.  And after the military service I started my activity in publishing and in the university.  I didn't make a great career in the televison.  I started with a salary of sesanta mille lira, $50 a month in 54 and I ended it in 58 with a salary of $75, $80 -- probably because they were very suspicious of those new people arriving.  So I did nothing interesting but I saw a lot of things and I met a lot of persons.  For instance, at  a certain moemnt I succeeded in becoming the assistant of a director of the artistic programs who called me his alter echo instead of his alter ego.  He was a fantastic man because, during the fascism, he invented a small publishing house that published under the fascism Brecht, all the German expressionist poets, and then Joyce and then Singhe, The Playboy of the Western World.  He was a crazy anarchist intellectual..  And then he became the director of the artistic programs of the television.  He was alone, he needed some young person to help him.  Okay, I succeded in becoming his assistant, friend.  I spent  nights and nights in his house with  thousand thousand thounsands of books, rummaging in the first edition of the first poem of Eluard, the first edition of the first text of Tristan Tsara because he was a man that  lived that  period.  One of his friends had a house full of Paul Klee paintings that  the man bought for $5 each, because at  that moment  Klee was an unknown young painter.  So it was a group of people that really were interesting.  And living with this man, whose name was Ferdinando Ballo, and I still remember him with gratitude, love -- he died in 58 of cancer -- in his office, in his house, I met his friends, and his friends were called Igor Stravinsky, Bertold Brecht...  It was  very common to meet  them or to listen  them.  I was doing nothing.  As a job I was wasting my time in chatting with my boss and in doing...

   Vis.:  Furio told me you were in charge of ...  Let  him tell it: "Umberto had the incredible privilegte of being in charge of what were called in the Italian television, the annunciatrici, which are a group of girls, beautiful, they are in charge only with appearing and saying, 'Now, ladies and gentlemen, you are going to see this and this.'  There were no commercials at that time to connect different segments.  So Umberto was in charge of the annunciatrici," substitutes, so to say, of the spots to come, substitutes who were "the thought  of every one of us, and we knew to whom to apply and where to go." 

   Yes, but in order to justify my presence there, I made the most incredible jobs but the real ... and at the time, one floor up, there were some young musicians, some of my age, some a little older  than me.  They were Luciano Berio, Pierre Boulez, Karl-Heinz Stockhausen, Paolo Moderna.  And we met every day in the bar of the television drinking our capuccino, and we became close friends and we started to discuss.  And it is true, my first meeting with them meant a lot.  Not only in order to understand all the problems of music and contemporary music, but my personal copy of Ferdinand de Saussure, Cours de linguistque générale, is the one I stole in the office of Luciano Berio. Because at that time they were the musciains that studied Troubetskoy, Saussure, all the structural lingusitics, in order to understand some of the problems concerning sounds, voice...  So it happened that  Berio introduced me to structural lingusitics and that  I introduced him to Joyce, and we made some experience together on the texts of Joyce, and, yes, this friendship, this everyday contact ,was enormously important to me because it is thrugh Berio and the musicans that I met in Paris Roland Barthes for the first time, and then in New York, Roman Jakobson, because they were interested in those kinds of things.  And so this explains the formation of that book of mine, The Open Work, that was born by  the constant everyday interaction between a young philosopher and young -- difference of ages of four years, less or more -- young musicians that were starting the new experiments in electronic  music and so on.  So in this sense, the five years of 54 -58 and 59 I spent in television were nothing from the point of view of the job, of  the career, of the salary, but from opera to music to theater, I met everybody.  It was an enormously intersteing experience, let's say, like a grant in which I was paid to see what  happened around me.  And it influenced my further activity.  At that time I was trying to demonstrtae that what happens in literature has the same structures as what happens in music.

   Let me say today, especially in the United States, there was until not so long ago, a few years ago, a lot of reserach about what they called reader-oriented criticism.. It means that the focus on the cretical attention shifted from  the author to the activity of the reader.  Well, okay, Jauss, who was the master of the reception Esthetic, once said that the first who tried to open this way was Eco with the Opera Aperta.  That is what is said by David Robey in his introduction to the English language Open Work from Harvard.  Maybe I was or I wasn't in 62 among the first to focus the activity of the receptor, of the reader, of the addressed upon the activity of the author.  No matter, the lurid game of who is first.  The important thing is I was pulled to that just because the musicians at that time were conceiving of works that had to be in some way manipulated by the receiver in order to be understood.  So in this sense it was a very crucial expreince for me.  John Cage ... ah, if you want gossips... 

   Between  56 and 58 they started in Italy a quiz program that became enormously popular, like the one with Mark van Doren , and I was not involved in the program of the television because it was depending on another department.  But many of my friends were involved.  They were the people who conceived the questions and so I followed.  I found myself inside.  And there was Cage, one of the RAI musicians, who, by the  way,  even  though accepting the courtship of  a certain Mrs. Fontana -- Cage was very shocked or pleased, I don't know, by the  Fontana courtship, although one of his compositions is called "Fontana Mix" -- a t a certain moment, John Cage is out of money.  Well, it was very quickly  disscoered that  he knew a lot about mushroom.s; music, of course as well.  So people said, "Why don't you apply to the quiz program, "Quitte ou Double."  "Lascia o Doppia."  So the host is asking: "Concerto for toast machine, radio and washing machine with conductor  --what is that ?"  And there is Cage with this Etruscan smile in face of the whole italian audience -- because at that time there was only one program...  Ahhh...  [Laughs.  Is  silent now.]  And Bruno Modena.  And  Peggy  Guggenheim with golden shoes, drinking champagne to celebrity the victory of John Cage... 

In the now quiet room, the tiny King Kong  descends the Empire State.

   Vis.:  And Gruppo 63?

   The Group 63 was a sort of biologidal gathering of young generation against the old German-oriented idealism in esthetics, old literature.  It's impossible to define Group 63 according to a unified theory of ideology.  They all were tyring to do someting new and helping each other against the old professors and old gentlemen, etc.  But at that time it was important to quarrel and to fight for art and for ... for Polack for ... because there was still a lot of people refusing comprehending., for  example, the communist part that at  that  time was strongly realistic.  And so it was repeating a little the old adventures of the early avant-garde groups of the beginning of the century with a small difference.  But this small diffence was very important for me.  The early avant-garde, as opposed to our avant-garde that was called the neo-avant-garde ... they were living poorly, trying to make paintings and living in the mansards, even though we can say today that Picasso made his living pretty well -- they were marginals.  The new avant-garde, to which I belonged, was not a marginal avant-garde.  We were all writing in the newspapers, working in the publishing houses, so it was an avant-garde made by people very well inserted within the cultural system.

   Hegel once said that stories repeat  twice in history, the first time as a tragedy and the second time as a comedy.  So you couldn't repeat  the avant-garde adventure of the beginning of the century  the same way.  Our avant-garde was of people very well inserted in the so called neo-capitalistic system, newspapers, university...  We were not people at the margins trying to ... no, we were in the center. and being in the center, we were crticizing the system, which was different.  Once I used the expreession, "We are the avant-garde in wagon lit."  Because we went to the various places in which we made our meetings, okay, by airpline, by wagon lit.  It is very important to stress that we were not drop-outs.  It was different, thenew avant-garde, from the early one.  They were drop-outs and they won.  But we, we were already inside andwe started to criticize the cultural system from inside.  It is neither our  virtue nor our flaw.  We were there.  So the slogan "avant-garde in wagon lit" means that it was impossible to travel but in wagon lit.  Okay, we were not playing the role of the drop-outs, we were drop-ns.

   Vis.: Then comes 64, 65, the semiological  work.

    And then comes 68.  I want to make it clear that when the 68 arrived I was 36.  I was no more a student or a young person..  I was already a university professor.  It was a shock to me to see this young generation putting forth questions and ideas that were in contrast probably with parts of my ideas.  And I belonged to this generation of middle-aged intellectual -- if you prefer, 36 middle-aged -- that tried to implement a dialogue with them.  There was the generation before me that was destroyed by them.  My generation tried to keep going, to continue talking, even though the universities were occupied and [pauses] I ... in a way I believed in them, I believed that they were bringing out some new ideals of purity.  Probably it is due to the fact that I never act as an advisor for publicity, for advertising, for a corporation, because I feel that it was a way to prostitute my intellectual ... I never made money by selling my expertise, my wisdom to corporations, even though many made.  And there is a page in the Pendulum in which Belbo says, I am very deluded because we tried not to invent new slogans for Coca-Cola in order to remain pure, and then you, the young generation, sold yourself out for it.  It happened, Marshall.  My generation received from  them a sort of very Puritanic appeal. 

   But at the same time, my problem with them ... in the moment in which they were saying, "This is a selling-out-everything culture, this is only a conspiracy of capitalism," my problem, my duty was to tell them that certain things are important.  So even in the most hot moments of the 68 -- occupations of the universities -- by installing a dialogue with them, I was able to keep going teaching what I believed in.  There were moments of...very difficult moments at that time.  For instance I was teaching -- at that time we called it semiology, theory of communication -- and came the uprising of the students: "All those things are capitalist plot, we are for the revolution!"  But since I was dialoguing with them, I proposed, "I want to make you an analysis of communication in the capitalistic system."  And they said okay.  And I continued to do what [laughs] I did before.  Seen today is pretty ... it looks tricky, but at the time you had to pay a sort of homage to their problems. 

   Okay, we are talking of communication in capitalistic system.  And I continued to make my classes in semiotics, maybe adding some Adorno books, but also I remember that in 68 I was working with a seminar of revolutionary students and making them read mulch or Saussure.   They trusted me because I was talking with them ... is a very delicate moment for that problem.  I am not saying that I was tricking, I was really feeling that they were bringing new ideas and new ... but at the same time I was feeling that there was some certain things that they had to know, otherwise they would be lost.  Lost.  Would have been lost.  In  the Pendulum I say, "You can say you can make the revolution, but you have to reorganize the railways.  And there must be somebody who knows how to drive locomotive."  Well, my attitude was more or less that.  I understand you, I understand all your problems.  I try to give up with a lot of my former ideas, but okay, to know how a locomotive works is important.  So my relationship with them was of this kind, and more or less we succeed in going on from different perspectives.  If at that time the main problem was the contestation, the students attacking the professors, I lived the 68 in a sort of conflictual but friendly interaction.

   Vis.: You were never strongly or personally attacked by the students?

   No ,I was discussed, but as friends.  We spent the whole day     quarreling, but then we went to dinner together.  And probably  -- I don't know if it was the right way, -- but this moment was also important to me.  They were bringing up new ideas of purity.  And then they betrayed them. 

   After the collapse of 68, some of them went to the terrorism and some of them are now tycoons.  But for me it was important, maybe not for them.  But for me it was a [sighs] vendimento di ... examen of conscience, it was a way to reflect about the position of an intellectual.  I tell you that all along my life I never accept to be the advisor, the consultant of an advertising, of a commercial, even though they gave me a lot of money.  And that is due to the kind of morality I received from the 68 confrontation.  Most of them did it, but I didn't.  Later they did it.  But I didn't because it was [pauses] an important problem.  [Breaks off] Is a very strange story.

Silence.

   Even though I understand all the problems of the 67-68, the confrontation, I couldn't accept terrorism and during the hard years of terrorism I wrote a few articles in which I told my opinion on that.  In Travels in Hyperreality you find this analysis, the analysis of photograph.  I wrote some articles in which I tried  to demonstrate that terrorism was culturally, politically and ideologically inconsistent, even though I knew that many of the terrorists were probably my former students, my students even at that time. It was later when all the terrorists were in prison, most of them, according to the Italian law could follow in prison university courses and ask for having exams.  So it happened frequently with me to go with commission of professors to make an exam in a prison.  And so it happened to me that  some of the terrorist leaders, years later, who prepared my exam, more or less well, some of them and not the last of them, some who were the leaders of the movement, told me, in a moment in which they were already in prison and so they had no interest to be kind with me, to adulate, that when I wrote some of those articles during the terrorism when they went in jail and they were already in jail, told me that when I wrote articles, they devoted some seminars to discussing those articles, in order to say that it was true what I said.  I was pretty pleased of that fact  that terrorists in jail discussed together my articles and said probably he was right and we were wrong.  And I  don't know what does it mean.  For teacher is ... is important to ...

   Vis.:  Everyone has only laudatory things  to say of you.  Is there nothing of a polemical  Eco?

   They were laudatory?

   Vis.: Everybody laudatory, as if your whole life had been lived free of controversy.

   Always completely into controversy and ... I feel to have lived my life in a continual controversy.

   Vis.:  All erased now.  Give me a sense how it was. 

   I feel to be a filthy opportunist who has ...  but once ... I give you my personal feelings. I am a filthy opportunist.  Okay, but once in Philadelphia I found an Italian adult person who was student when I was, and he told me, "We love you because in every moment, you made the right choice." 

   Vis.: What were some turning points when maybe the choice wasn't right?

   When [pauses] ayii, no, no, please, I ... [silence, debating ].  When it was easy to be a member of the Communist Party in order to be a supported intellectual, I was attacked by the Communist Party.

   Vis.: I'm sorry.

  I am a lucky person.  I was never obliged to sell myself in order to live.  I don't ...  I don't ...

   Vis.:  Is that why you call yourself an opportunist?

   No.  Sometimes I say but maybe I was ... but as a matter of fact ... I didn't become a university professor -- because I was not linked to a group, to a party -- until later. I lost two opportunities but finally I got it.  When I wrote The Open Work I was attacked by the old people, by the communists, by the ... but after all, it worked ... [exhales] ... that's the formula.  Probably  I was a miserable ... [breaks],but I never belonged to a group in order to win..  [Pauses] Especially  in a Latin country is important to belong to the Communist  Party or to the Socialist Party or the Christian Democrats or Free Masonry or to the group of Croatian  philosophers or to the group of--

   Vis.: Which means that during your life there had to have been attacks on you, polemics against you or with you because you weren't a member.

   Yes, but at the end it worked. I always fought as a solo flyer.  The formula is that one.  I fought as a solo flyer.  And then the other formula: when I was corporal, I fought  in order to become sergeant and never lieutenant.  I didn't  try all of my life to jump too much over; corporal, sergeant, Marshall, lieutenant, captain, colonel, general..  I made all  the steps, I didn't try to shift  from corporal to captain, I waited.  Is not  a principle of morality, I want not to play the hero.  Is a principle of reasonability, if not wisdom.  If you are a corporal you have to lobby  and to do your best to become a sergeant, not to become a captain. 

   Vis.: Where was the most pain in the professional life?

   Oh, according to the gossips in the academic milieu I should have had my chair in 67.  But I wasn't belonging to a group or to a  clique, and so I was dropped.  And I had to wait eight  years until  74 and I suffered ... of it.  Then I suffered for the fact that each of my books was attacked.  By everybody.  But  ten years later was accepted.  It  helped me to go on.  It  means that probably you have to write books that are attacked immediately in order to be ... [laughs] ... respected twenty years later.

  You know, Benedetto Croce once said, "The duty of  youth is to age."  I am a man  of a number of years with two adult  children, and I still like to  make love.  But if the genie of Aladdin  arrived and told me, "You have to choose: you can make love all along the rest of your life with the most beautiful women of the world, but you cannot have more children -- or you can make still a child, but you are condemned to make love only once more in your life"--  probably I would -- even at my age, after two kids -- select the second option. [Pauses] And for the rest, masturbation.

  I remember that after graduating with my friend Furio, one evening in Milano at the age of 22, we said, 'We have finished university, we are starting new jobs but what do we really want to do with our lives?' And I remember to have answered, "I want to make a book and a kid, because they are the only ways to overcome death, a paper thing and a flesh thing.  Lovemaking alone, for all its pleasures, is stupid; nothing comes of it.  But my death can have a sense if somebody survives me and continues.  And I write a book, not to have a success now, but with the hope that in the next millennium, it will be still at least in a bibliography or...

   I don't know if my biographical chips are enough for you, but I have not nothing else.  I never killed my mother, never killed my father.  But I think... listen, Marshall, I have no answer.

   I have no answer and I want to piss because this is one of the  most important ... andiamo, subito.   

   End

"Personally, even in my country,
I have always avoided such meetings"

   For  the last two  years I have researched a book on technology that  I have never wanted to write and that I never should have contracted for.  Forget the reason.  Enough to say I have  taken every opportunity to avoid it, even to bolting from a faraway city if something interesting were happening back in New York.  So it was a year  or  so ago that I skedaddled out of a marketing meeting  before lunch and raced down I-405 to LAX.  It was April 1 and Umberto Eco would be speaking at 6 p.m. on 62nd street.  Eco's my old teacher and I'm his assistance, as we used to say in Europe; his audience, perpetual student everywhere he speaks.
 
   Besides, he's a neat guy.  How so?  Here so.

   We were in Bloomington, Indiana, where he was a fellow of the Institute for Advanced  Studies at the university.  It was 1989 and he was autographing fly leaves of his second novel -- "special printing, special binding, human skin," he tells me -- soon to be published.  At a desk in the corner of a huge room overseen by mooseheads on dark paneled walls, he sat in an armchair on a white wall-to-wall carpet the size of a basketball court.  The room - "the memorial they give to me" -- was fit for a mob sit-down.    Because the work is drudgery, he tells tales -- "During filming of Name of Rose" -- I meantime his puller, pulling sheet after sheet away as he brings forth another -- "...boy became enamored of Valentina Vargas.  She had other interests, he was obsessed.  So [director Jean-Jacques] Anneau got a woman for him: 'Fuck him, keep  him happy.'  During fucking scene they were doing it and Anneau said, "Cut, cut, cut,' and they wouldn't do it. [Swerving]  I will die but I had the morning with a cabalist, the afternoon with a semiotician, the evening with an article, I have to survive..."  And he walks to the kitchen fridge and, opening it, pointing to a six-pack, says, "Yesterday I have seen here these beers but I was looking for ice cubes.  I wanted a good drink but I see here the typical as food for a family.  You put it in the center of the table and then you open and share it.  And everybody will have his reasonable portion, and the same for the cheese in the box and the pretty pathetic cold cuts which squat on these trays."

   A micro-American mythology: Excess.  If the coffee doesn't slosh over, if the burger ain't a whopper, then by God bring the whole fucking family around!

  "Even in dietetic terms, this fridge is for family, is too full.  Even in terms of health..." he trailed off and grimaced.

  "Just a semiotic feast." 

  He grumped "no feast at all," and I knew we were alcohol-deprived.  So  I went down to the front desk and asked the fresh-faced young woman  where I could buy a bottle of scotch, and she said, "Is that hard liquor?" 

  "You bet," I said.

   'This town is dry, you'll have to go..."

    So I did, all the way out of town, and when I returned to his suite, he
received me at the door -- "Now I relax" -- in a red kimono and black shorts.  As he signed and sipped, his ventripotent belly bobbing along,
I asked him if he liked the Isle of Jura and why she had looked at me like a Jew sinner violating the Church of Indiana.

   "Is not Indiana, Marhall, is all America except New York and San
Francisco.  It means that prohibition has never really finished.  There
is always a certain bigotry and a certain embarrassment.  Then they meet and they drink a lot, okay.  But officially, is a typical Anglo-Saxon...is why in London, pubs cannot sell alcohol before 6 o'clock.  Is stupid thing that remains since the origins.  I tell you why" -- signing, sipping -- "because the Catholic Church was growing up in Mediterranean area where there is wine, and to drink wine is not so dangerous, while the Protestant milieu was in the north in which you  drink scotch, brandy and strong liquor to keep warm and kill yourself. And that is why the Protestants are very suspectful toward alcohol, while the Catholics aren't.  Is only now that in America they drink wine, and in England.  Before, they drank beer or very strong alcoholic beverage, 33 percent at least.  So you understand, you grew a moral, religious attitude of suspicion toward alcohol, while in Mediterranean countries, alcohol was a good bottle of wine and nobody died for wine.  So that's why it is conceivable in Nordic countries, from Swden to United States, that people buys a bottle of scotch to drink it alone.  In Europe, I mean my Europe, nobody can buy a bottle of wine to drink it alone.  Is a social activity."

   "So how did I know not to bring wine?"

   "Listen.  My fame subtracts from me privacy and you knew.  It has reduced my lifetime because I spend a lot of time to cope with all the  requests.  I cannot go in a place because I am recognized so I prefer not  to go.  I don't go any longer to the opening of theaters, of art exhibitions,
because a lot of people ask me for preface and things, so it reduced
my leisure and my lifetime.  So I need, not relax, but silence, solitude.
I need two hours now of silence."

    "I'm sorry, I'll get--"

   "It's becoming more and more important for the double reason that
being a professor you have always a lot of people talking to you and to
whom you're supposed to talk, and then success brings you people, so
the real happiness to me is complete solitude.  I don't answer the  telephone any longer because it rings every two seconds.  My unlisted number, I use it for calling out because there is always somebody on the other line.  Really, it's an impossible life, and this is why I drink scotch and not wine and now I need to be alone."

   Weltschmerz  in a red kimono.  Is that class or what?

    So, straight from JFK, I was in the first row("toujours dans le premier rang," he once told on me to Jacques Derrida, "always in the front row") at the Italian Cultural Institute watching Eco present his new book, Misreadings.   His owlish eyes sparkling behind his big glasses, he was reading from "The Phenomenology of Mike Bongiorno (Mike Good-day)":

Television does not propose superman as an ideal with which to identify: it proposes everyman. 

   Punching it, no cool Edward Said this one:

Television's ideal is the absolutely average person, that is, in quantitative terms, the median.  In the theater Juliette Greco appears on the stage and immediately creates a myth and founds a cult; Josephine Baker prompts idolatrous rituals and gives her name to an era.  In TV the magic face of Juliette Greco appears on various occasions, but the myth is never born; she is not the idol.  The idol is the woman who announces her...

    And a little hah!  from me, Eco giving me a dirty look.  I had remembered a few words his best friend, Furio Colombo, told me: "Right out of college when we went to RAI together, Umberto had the incredible privilege of being in charge of the annunciatrici, a group of beautiful girls who were in charge only of appearing and saying, 'Ladies and gentlemen, you are going to see....'  Everyone of us knew to whom to apply."

    Obviously jet-lagged, mortified, I stared down at the comp copy I'd taken at the door.  My eye was on but I wasn't really reading the line of Eco's translator, Bill Weaver: "Imagine someone with the popularity (but without the vitality) of Johnny Carson and the anonymity of Ed Sullivan, with a touch of Sesame Street's Mr. Smiley," referring to Mike Hello.  Stuff like this hasn't happened to me since high school, and when I got the courage to look the dear reader in the eye, he was already at:

  Mike Bongiorno drives clichés to their extreme.  A girl educated by nuns is virtuous; a girl with brightly colored stockings and a ponytail is a "hippy."  He asks the former if she, a nice girl, would like to look like the latter; when he is told that the question is insulting, he consoles the second girl--

   Having trouble following, so embarrassed I am:

--praising her physical superiority and humiliating the convent-school product.  In this dizzying whirl of faux pas he doesn'teven try to paraphrase, for paraphrase is already a form of wit, and wit belongs to a Vico cycle alien to Bongiorno.  For him, everything has one name and only one; any rhetorical figure is a fraud.  In the final analysis, a faux pas stems always from an act of unintentional sincerity ... The more mediocre a man is,the clumsier he is.  Mike Borgiorno is a consolation to the mediocre, for he exalts the faux pas, raising it to the dignity of rhetoric....

  Mike Bongiorno therefore convinces the public, by his living and triumphant example, of the value of mediocrity.  He provokes no inferiority complexes, though he presents himself as an idol; and the public repays him, gratefully, with its love.  He is an ideal that nobody has to strive for, because everyone is already at its level.  No religion has ever been so indulgent to its faithful.  In him the tension between what is and what should be is annulled.  He says to his worshipers, "You are God, stay exactly as you are."

    And all applaud, rhubarb rhubarb, Umberto clasping hands over his head, applauding back.  And at dinner cuts a napkin up, astonishingly making it resemble the pope fucked by a donkey.  And next day over espresso, before a reading at Rizzoli, asks me my projects and hears a paragraph on Magic Paper, silent as a psychoanalyst.  "Basta -- the other?" he interrupts.  (I've a contract for another.)  He didn't like.  And I said, "Indiana, huh?"  And he said nothing because the manager came up with a note, pointing at a knock-out young woman at yon table.  While he read and I coveted, I remembered Indiana.  1989, Indianapolis, the fourteenth annual meeting of the Semiotic Society of America.  Over lunch, Eco was surprised to discover that his keynote speech, "The Semiotics of Fakes and Forgeries," was to be an address, not only to the final sessson of the Semiotic Society, but an address also to the overlapping, opening session of something called the International Institute on Marketing Meaning, with an audience of advertising types from Japan and France as well as Americans. 

    Over lunch the day before, he poked at his Mexican salad and said, "Where's the beef?  Ah, is there, a little.  You know that we have this new ambassador, Secchia in Italy, that seems to be terrible.  He says four-letter words and the American newspapers wrote a lot about him, all the blunders he makes...the American ambassador in Italy because he's a friend of Bush.  But it seems he has a certain humor.  Once Ted Kennedy à propos of the Irangate affair, asked, 'Where were you, George, when Reagan...'  And Secchia in a public speech said, 'Where were George?  He was home fucking with his wife. Hahhahhah.   Listen, we will be fucked [pronounced: fuck-èd], returning to the marketers.  "They [the opportunistic organizers] don't understand  that one of the chances for the semiotic studies was also to be accepted by philsopehrs of language like Quine who is just now friendly.  I find this stupid, promising what they cannot deliver.  Will be a disaster.  Because a good advertiser instinctively knows more about these things than a semiotician.  Is stupid to say semiotics can help you.   Raphael is a perfect semioitican.  He dosn't know the code, he is the code.  And the good ones don't come to study semiotics, they are it.  I don't see why you are obliged to mention the marketing."

    I was at his side on behalf of a New York Times Magazine profile -- he, about to launch his second novel, Foucault's Pendulum.   Maybe I was smelling Vanity Fair stuff.

   "I am not here for the marketing conference, so why do you put in head of people that there is also this possibility?  [In passion]  You make publicity for them.  Few people in Japan and Paris know that there is this conference.  Pay attention.  If it is in order to make clear your position or an assertion, remember that in delicate situation, the channel of defense mustn't be bigger than the channel of offense.  If somebody writes, 'Marshall Blonsky is a crook in the Indianapolis Star and you answer, 'I am not a crook in the New York Times, you make a million peoples to know that somebody told, you are a crook.  If somebody writes in the New York Times that you are a crook, you have not to answer to the CBS because the CBS has an audience larger than the New York Times.  I studied the phenomenon."

    But I persisted and the next morning, he handed me three sheets of foolscap on which I read my own questions and his answers.  Take a look, if you want.  Me, I'm (sorry) envying superstardom, panting after what's on the piece of notepaper he's reading. 

Q   At the meeting there were marketing persons interacting with scholars.

A   Personally, even in my country, I have always avoided such         meetings.  It is not for ideological reasons (in the sense in which in 1968 to be concerned with the business was The Evil).
      It is rather a question of critical freedom.  I prefer to feel free to criticize certain phenomena without being directly involved with their production.

Q Do you feel that semiotics can be useful for marketing?

A  Listen.  Every kind of research (from chemistry to literature) can  be used for producing something.  An advertiser can read Empson's Seven Types of Ambiguity in order to understand  better how language works.  In the same vein a writer can study grammars and dictionaries to improve his/her style.  I  don't think that Mr. Webster could tell a writer how to become a genius.  I am able to analyze the semantic structure of a pun, but I am unable to tell Joyce how to write Finnegans Wake.  However there are sociologists that make researches on public motivations for private corporations, and it is not unlawful.

Q What are the borderlines between theoretical research and   practical life?

A They are always fuzzy.  Certainly a general who read Caesar's De bello gallico can be smarter than his colleagues who only watched John Wayne's molvies.  My friend T.A. Sebeok studied for years animal communication.  After reading his books I became more sensitive in my personal relationship with dogs. But you had to be a dogs lover from the beginning.  Otherwise you would be incapable to understand and appreciate a book on dogs behavior.

   He was being diplomatic, which is to say charming.  How he really felt and why he had nothing to say about the Magic Paper Project, he told me at the end of our trip when I took his autobiography in his new New York pied-a-terre.  What he told me was too passionate to give to the New York Times. 

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influenced probably my life.  My father was an employee, an  accountant.

I was using a crummy PC then.

   He knew I was a professor, an intellectual, but he never understood what I did to the day he died, but he died proud of me and I am happy of that.  [Pauses]  I just wish [pauses] he could have seen something of what happened with the Rose. 

    I want to make it clear when the '68 arrived i was 36.  I was no more a student or a young person.  I was already a university professor.  It was a shock to me to see this young generation putting forth questions and ideas that were in contrast probably with parts of my ideas.  And I belonged to this generation of middle-aged intellectual -- if you prefer, 36 middle-aged -- that tried to implement a dialogue with them.  There was the generation before me that was destroyed by them.  My generation tried to keep going, to continue talking, even though the universities were occupied and [pauses] I...in a way I believed in them, I believed that they were bringing out some new ideals of purity.  Probably it is due to thie fact that I never act as an advisor for publicity, for advertising, for a corporation, because I feel that it was a way to prostitute my intellectual...I never made money by selling my expertise, my wisdom to corporations, even though many made.  And there is a page in the Pendulum in which Belbo says, I am very deluded because we tried not to invent new slogans for Coca-Cola in order to remain pure, and then you, the young generation, sold yourself out for it.  It happened, Marshall.  My generation received from  them a sort of very puritanic appeal. 

   But at the same time, my problem with them...in the moment in which they were saying this is a selling-out-everything culture, this is only a conspiracy of capitalism, was to tell them that certain things are important.  So even in the most hot moments of the '68 -- occupations of the universities -- by installing a dialogue with them, I was able to keep going teaching what I believed in.  There were moments of...very difficult moments at that time.  For instance I was teaching -- at that time we called it semiology, theory of ocmmunication -- and came the uprising of the students: "All those things are capitalist plot, we are for the revolution!"  But since I was dialoguing with them, I proposed, "I want to make you an analysis of communiction in the capitalistic system."  And they said okay.  And I continued to do what [laughs] I did before.  Seen today is pretty...it looks tricky, but at the time you had to pay a sort of homage to their problems. 

   Okay, we are talking of communication in capitalistic system. And I continued to make my clasees in semiotics, maybe adding some Adorno books, but also I remember that in '68 I was working with a seminar of revolutionary students and making them read McLuhan or Saussure.   They trusted me because I was talking with them...is a very delicate moment for that problem.  I am not saying that I was tricking, I was really feeling that they were bringing new ideas and new...but at the same time I was feeling that there was some certain things that they had to know, otherwise they would be lost.  Lost.  Would have been lost.  In my novel I say, you can say you can make the revolution, but you have to reorganize the railways.  And there must be someobody who knows how to drive locomotive.  Well, my attitude was more or less that.  'I understand you, I understand all your porblems.  I try to give up with a lot of my former ideas, but okay, to know how a locomotive works is important.' So my relationship with them was of this kind, and more or less we succeed in going on from different perspectives.  If at that time the main problem was the contestation, the students attacking the professors, I lived the '68 in a sort of conflictual but friendly interaction.

   Q  You were never strongly or personlly attacked by the students?

   A No I was discussed, but as friends.  We spent the whole day quarreling, but then we went to dinner together.  And probably I don't know if it was the right way, but this moment was also important to me.  They were bringing up new ideas of purity.  Then they betrayed them.  After the collapse of '68 some of them went to the terrorism and some of them are now tycoons.  But for me it was important, maybe not for them.  But for me it was a [sighs] vendimento di ...examen of conscience, it was a way to reflect about the position of an intellectual.  I tell you that all along my life I never accept to be the advisor, the consultant of an advertising, of a commercial, even though they gave me a lot of money.1  And that is due to the kind of morality I received from the '68 confrontation.  Most of them did it, but I didn't.  Later they did it.  But I didn't because it was [pauses] an important problem.  [Breaks off] Is a very strange story.

   [Resumes] I feel to be a filthy opportunist who has....I give you my personal feelings, I am a filthy opportunist.  Okay, but once in Philadelphia I found an Italian adult person who was student when I was, and he told me, "We love you because in every moment, you made the right choice." 

   Q What were some turning points [when the choice wasn't so right]?

   A When [pauses] ayii, no, no, please, I...[silence, debating whether to reveal the unsuccess].  When it was easy to be a member of the Communist Party in order to be a supported intellectual, I was attacked by the Communist Party.

   Q  I'm sorry.

   A  I am a lucky person.  I was never obliged to sell myself in order to live.  I could always live pleasantly without selling myself.  Probably I was a miserable...[breaks], but I never belonged to a group in order to win [pause], especially in a Latin country is an important...I never won because I belonged to a group. I won because...[soft] it happened.  Imean, you can sell yoruself to Free Masonery, to the Commnist Party, to Billy Graham in order to...I was enough happy to have audience or succcess without [pauses] I didn't pay anything.  That's true. That's absolutely true.  I didn't pay anything in order to get success.  I always fought as a solo flyer.  Okay, maybe I have been hypocritical as a man...but as a solo flyer.

   I don't know if my biogrpahical chips are enough for you, but I  have not nothing else.  I never killed my mother, never killed my father.  But I think... listen, Marshall, that if you concoct very well the story of the Italian pre- reviews [a scandal], this is...[trails off].  You saw this special issue of Magazine Littéraire.  Fabbri [old friend] wrote an article on me with many criticism and many friendly understanding.  But okay, I have no answer.

   I have no answer and i want to piss because this is one of the  most important...andiamo, subito. 

   So.  Umberto said it all with his silence and avoidance, grasping the girl's note, a bit of hot youth to replace signs of a different seduction.  Was he right?  Does everyone sell himself?  Does the slightest touch of marketing -- the dominant art today -- make you a filthy opportunist?  Funny, how you remember things when you need them.  I remembered this 15th-century Sufi story:

            Of the flying insects who, in love with the light
            of a candle, longed at all costs for the knowledge
                   of fire...
                  
   One night, some beautiful flying insects met together for a mad flight's desire for the night of the candle.  They said, "We must send someone who will bring us information about the object of our unrequited request.  So one of them set off and gained access to the castle and inside, he saw the light of a candle.  He returned and according to his understanding, reported what he had seen.  But the wise insect who decided over the gathering expressed the opinion that he understood nothing about the candle.  So another insect went there.  He approached the flame with the tip of his wings, but the heat drove him off.  His report, being no more satisfying than that of the first, a third went off.  This one, intoxicated with love, threw himself on the flame.  With his four legs, he called the flame and united himself joyfully with her.  He embraced her completely, and his loyalty became as red as fire.  The wise insect, who was watching from far off, saw the flame and the loving insect appear to be one.  And he said: "He has learned what he wished to know.  But only he understands.  And one can say no more." 

    How close to the fire can the insect go before it's filthy red? 

   Eco passed me the note: "I'm an admirer, in love with your words.  Will you autograph for me something?"  And there she was -- he's just beckoned her -- standing,  gorgeous and 20.  She says it aloud: "I'm an admirer."  -"Ahh" from Eco.  Like a soft grunt.  "I am reading...next door...Rizzoli, if you would..."  But a young man is now by her side and she declines, "por favor..."  -"I see," and writes something in her notebook, and she says adieu.  In rapid English -- so rapid Eco can't understand -- another young man (he'd been reading a book next table all along) hisses: "It's all your fault."  At me.  It's my fault  she turned him down!  What did I do?   I sold my friend out -- how?   I'm the opportunist.

End

1 May I add that when I knew him as my teacher/mentor in the 70s, in Urbino and elsewhere, he had no money.  For $20,000 he bought a ruined castle near Urbino, near Rimini, scene of the end of "La Dolce Vita."  He could only afford to fix up a part of it to invite us scholars at the Center for Semiotics and Linguistics to party there.  Barely a penny.  Personal testimony.
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18

I. The Violin


1 The Violin


In the middle of my third year, I found myself one nice summery night on the (to me) vast greensward of Kansas City’s Swope Park. A summer orchestra, which means not the very best, was playing some symphony for the crowd lying on blankets or sitting in beach chairs to enjoy the night air. For some reason I suddenly rose and flopped my little arms up and down, imitating the conductor. “Look, Bob,” my mother said to my father, “he’s a concert violinist.”

And so I was Lebensborn, as if in Himmler’s “Spring of Life” program to make a master race: first by pairing arische late-teens girls with SS of fine breeding; then by kidnapping proto-Aryans from their not-so-Aryan mothers; eventually abducting even Jew-boys and –girls from their natural Endlösunged- Finalsolutioned-to-be mothers (so long as the candidate’s hair were blonde, the eyes blue, the cranial curve proper); the candidate, finally to be rewarded, if a good little boy, with Germanizing, Eindeutschung—or if a bad boy, remembering his old mother, with extermination. Abducted, placed in a Lebensborn nursery, you were told your mother had abandoned you; if you cried for mommy or, on placement with your new SS family, still cried for your past or refused to participate in your future, you were dispatched to the ovens. I spoke Yiddish back then, so also (poorly) read German; and listened in fright as mother spoke softly of things Germanic and Kansas City anti-Semitism. “What a pretty blond you are,” said my mother. I was dirty blond, but blond all the same. My eyes are blue.

No one knew it, the blond was turning brown.
In an eye’s blink Dorothy had witnessed my conducting mimicry and, by some trope that as an adult I still cannot name, had assigned me not to the first, let alone the second violins, but to an invisible place onstage, where a great concert violinist would have stood, but did not stand due to the miniscularity of the orchestra. Assuming the ancient pater role, mother had swooped up my little self, placed it in the highest cultural and thus Aryan category (“You’ll play Beethoven some day”), and thenceforth my little self made a violin out of cardboard, sewing-thread its strings, thread also the horsehair of a cardboard bow; and wrote, for several years, little lyric-and-score books, bound in yellow-green stiff cardboard, for Fiddle-Faddle, Turkey in the Straw, Perpetuo mobile, Waves of the Danube, Eili Eili (oops) and other of my favorites and those of my mother. Like most autodidacts, I imagine, I neither had, nor was criticized for not having, compositional or harmonic skills—it was all au naturel, and stupidly hailed as such. So long as I seduced—my scorebook, Light Violin Pieces the Whole World Plays—the question of composition, nor that of Schönbergian harmony, never came up.

So it was only natural, right? that at seven or eight, in the first grade, when, under the gaze of a mother who didn’t want me to suffer extermination of my talent by the mediocrity concentrated in KC; when I had self-published hundreds of green-yellow violin scores; when I had thereby prepared myself to be a new self, that I be delivered to a mater, one Elsie Vaughn, a violin teacher and lover, in a Kansas City conservatory. Who, not wealthy, soon saw what she wanted to see and, after some

I was even at that young age signing autographs.


months, offered to teach the boy for life for free. I played on a half-size violin and equally little bow.

But soon thereafter the project failed. Recognizing her inadequacy for a boy of such parts and through a kind of clout long forgotten by me, made the referral to one Raymond Cerf, Professor of Music at the University of Kansas, Lawrence, the most noted violin teacher in our area.

Cerf had been the student of the corpulent, black-haired, bravura, turn-of-the-last-century Belgian concert violinist Eugène Ysaÿe, whose unaccompanied Second Sonata, starting with “Obsession,” then followed by “Malinconia” is one of the most revered, difficult, heart-rending of modernist compositions (listen to “Melanconia”: it is trying to sing, but it cannot, it’s like a fingernail on a blackboard, it screeches, it is the voice of being-dead). When I first met Cerf, whose name in French means deer, I marveled at his rendering of the Ysaÿe, crying a little too generously to the rubato as he sang it out; his voice his accompanist. He stopped his performance for one, and clasping me on the shoulder, said, “The first time, it happens to us all,” then resumed the yearning, desperate search for the universal…and the fright,
\
You see, the Second Sonata is based on the code of a Gregorian chant, which appears in
every movement: the Dies Irae, The Day of Wrath. The Ysaÿe for me (although I knew it
not at the time): a meditation on the Last Judgment that would come from Mr. G..

piano- and forte-ly borne by the score. And then I tapped the little fiddle to mimic his brio of bowing (leaps from G- to E-string, imitation of bass and treble hands of pianist, a hocketing, a hiccupping, a monophonic way of suggesting polyphony) as the recital abruptly ended. By which time, neither of the emotions made me ashamed in the generosity of his chamber. After class, on the return trip, I would try to tell my father (who, generously, left work at 2:30 to drive me to Lawrence), try to tell him what had transpired, the singing, the martelé, hammer stroke I had just learned, try to sing him this or that phrase I remembered from the lesson. No response. Silence commingled with the air in the car. And I could not understand why.

Maybe the deer knew, maybe he didn’t, but he enabled me, with the aid of my father, to run away, not take classes, from Central High School in KC. For how many years I do not know, but I was hated for not being even the minimalist of athletes (in gym, I couldn’t climb rope, the legs not strong enough, the rope burning the hands as ten, twenty clasped their way upwards—nor indeed, did my mother let me stay in gym long; fear was, I would hurt my hands (already hurt by rope) at sports). I suppose you could have called me—although the word did not yet exist—a nerd.

And I talked too much. From the very beginning.

Fuck you, Ms Riley.

A Jew talking in the Midwest Provinces is scarcely what the goyim want to suffer.

But, truth to tell, I did not always talk too much, or talk period. When I had my violin in my hand. At home, far from the nasty schoolchildren, I scarcely did anything except practice the violin night after night in my little bedroom (homework somehow did itself), modeling my playing on the records I spun: of Menuhin, Oistrakh, Millstein, Heifetz, the greats of the era. It was an escape route sent from God, in whom I believed then. And, one other flight line: every week, on, I think, Friday, before Sabbath, studying Talmud from Rabbi Maurice Solomon, the scholarly leader of the Orthodox congregation into which I was born. My Hebrew was fluent and we would read a passage, I enunciating—I did talk, but not in brat-speak—and he nodding his head at my pronunciation; and then together interpret the Talmudic interpretation. Philosophy, Solomon told me once, and Talmudic philosophy for sure, was the imagination of the relations between and among relations. I didn’t know, really, what it meant at the time, but I think it had something to do with my becoming, much later, a semiotician, studying the sign as a relation of differences. A sheep is not mutton; what is mutton? Mutton is not a sheep. A sign is negative difference; just as Talmud places itself in the difference zone between competing alternative interpretations. How natural: from Solomon to semiotics.

Well, shouldn’t it have been obvious? A boy of the mind and not of the body, a ten-year-old bedroom-cloistered creature listening to Russian Jewish violinists, a 1950’s America, Middle Western America, in which in Jewish homes one whispered “anti-semitism”—of course I became known as The Brain, which, stupidly, I took as a compliment…until one afternoon I was chased by the, we would say today…jocks, all the way home: to them, although not knowing it, I was Kafka’s bug in the bedroom, although they did not know this and would have hated him, if they had: a Jew bug! “Dirty little Jew Big Brains.” In that time, high school was unified, not a shred of diverse population or thought. High school was totalizingly absolutist and Masculine, excluding any femininely artistic boychiks.

The chase of the Jew bug happened so often that my mother had to pick me up at Central High, drive me home. But the dear mother, now the second chauffeur in my life, couldn’t always treat me so royally and, one day, walking, then running, falling, running faster: it was the Big Boys again. My father had, through all this, instructed me to be a man eventually, to stand up for myself, and I do remember, in front of 3233 Park Avenue, a lower middle class home, my home (my father was a bank employee), finding by accident a beam with a nail in it; turning to chase the Leader Boy; pursing him into his home across the street; then like a Levite spirit liberated from the Lost Ark whooshing through room after room until I cornered him: banging once crisply on his forehead with the architectural beam out of whose top came a five-inch nail. His name I cannot remember and so cannot say to him in Yiddish the ironic death salutation, Shayne rayne kapporah, what a beautiful, pure, sacrifice you are…you say of wives or husbands you’ve hated all your life, then bury with the elegant headstone reading Shayne… I think there was some discussion between the parents about things arranged that, only in my vaguest earshot I heard, but thankfully forgot in the pure fire of my first enacted aggression.

Since everyone was smiling, I was smiling, too. And my mother, inspired, took this picture. A
perfect young man, am I not? Adore me. Even if I be a murderer.


Mr. G

Fast forward the years ten through thirteen, through ever-enlarging violins and bows, through lessons in the Bach Unaccompanied, Dies Irae as well its code, Vitalli Chaconne,  Beethoven’s Romanza, the Bach Unaccompanied, Bach Double Concerto (Cerf as my double) and maybe forty of the canon, successfully taught…until I reached…you guessed it: Ysaÿe.  I couldn’t.  I had plateaued and soon Raymond Cerf had an Idea.  I would go with him to the Meadowmount School of Music in the Adirondack’s—run by the world’s greatest violin teacher at the time, Ivan Galamian.  Legendary.  And why should he let me in with the world’s greatest young talent?  I will never know.  But Cerf arranged it.  Both of us would study from Galamian.  And so it came to pass that I took a few trains and joined Cerf in Elizabethtown. 

And was astonished.  Master lessons, a note taker in the window seat (always, for every student); twenty sets of young ears peeled to the curtained French doors as Colombian discovery, Jaime Laredo, played Ysaÿe, tenderly, passionately, Galamian once shouting the rhythm; ten of the happy few standing on a little hill playing the Bach Double (no pianist as the double), as if a single giant fiddle were trying to ascend alone its calls to God; waking to hear Leonard Rose practicing solo cello before breakfast; Galamian at night, speaking Russian, patrolling the grounds with the boxers Mischa and Bébé, on the hunt for fornicators (sex and violinism were antigonic, he insisted…to no one’s appreciation); Turkish Aïla Anderand (who knew how old?) dressed by her mother in flouncy dresses, blond hair in pigtails, her cheeks so over-rouged she looked like a clown—her mother’s invention to make her  look ten; Eric Friedman grandstanding at quartet practice, getting a slap in the face from teacher Joseph Gingold (concert master of the Cleveland), a slap as boisterous as Erick’s domination of the G string (Erick subsequently died, a suicide); Erick’s mother occupying two lawn chairs at outdoor recitals, her girth requiring them; and me, watching, practicing patiently in my room, darkened to make the session more dramatic, preparing for my next lesson by the light of a single bulb over the music stand—listening not only to the large music I, imitator of Friedman, sought to make, but to mother (now with me here) in the next  room discussing my sexuality with Mel Ritter, a journeyman orchestral violinist.  “Keep him from it as long as you can,” Mel told her.  “There’s no going back once you…” and hearing “start” saddened me at the sacrifice THAT I WOULD MAKE TO BE A CONCERT VIOLINIST. 

My female progenitor, too, was a stage mother.  Wherein?  Shall I count the ways?  Getting me to the Chicago Symphony (I think I won a prize with her aid; then losing the musical thread, the orchestra stopping, the effect of a GP (Grand Pause), in this case not orchestrally dramatic; rather, personally traumatic.  Then, somewhere in Kansas, some sonata in an unairconditioned hall, playing, suddenly forgetting the next passage, having to stop, speak to the audience (the great musical taboo offended), telling the lie that the muggy weather had messed up the player’s finger work.  And, colossally, at my age ten, talking our way into the dressing room of one Jascha Heifetz, in KC for a concert.  In fact, we were forty minutes or so from his eight o’clock entrance onstage.  You see, my mother’s mother, Ida, had said to my mother that Ms. Ida was related to Maestro Heifetz—why? Because both had come from Vilnius (then part of Russia), where, Ida told mother, all his relatives had lived.  This, my mother told Heifetz on the telephone—“Yes!  Your grandfather!…that’s right!  In Vilna!…well, my…yes, that’s right!…was my great-grandmother’s”—and that is how we two got in, the young star and manager/mother.  But Dorothy hadn’t been able to remember the first name of her great-grandmother in Vilnius; so when we entered the dressing room the lapsus annoyed the maestro—

—who was very annoyable.  His face, I remember, was livid, matching his honeycomb concert shirt.  In those days of course we hadn’t computers, and, besides, I had not done my research on him.  But I could sense his strangely Waspish retirement.  Later (too much later) I would read that in 1939, a year after I was born, he told a critic: “Born in Russia, first lessons at three, debut in Russia at seven, debut in America in 1917.  That’s all there is to say, really.  About two lines.”  The artist repudiating reason as a lower order.  As he had repudiated his two wives, bitter divorces.  Debut at seven?: that was my debut—in the imaginary of an orchestral conductor, promoted by mother to a soloist to the side of the conductor! 

—the lapsus annoying the maestro, who said, “I cannot listen to the boy, it’s almost stage time.”  He was dressed in black tie, his jacket hanging from a walnut valet.  I noticed how crisp under his chin his bow tie was and the green sofa and easy chairs in the room.  There was another man in the room with him, annoyed looking also.  But mother and I would have nothing of their pique and, please note, I had prepared for the encounter; the Czardas by V. Monti (a piece later to become famous when Montovani (who?) recorded it with an all-string orchestra).  It (need I say, an encore for a second- or better third-tier concert performer) called for the encorist to hop up the fingerboard like a rabbit running across a field.  I had to play harmonics that, as the boy practiced it, made him think of factory workers whistling their way home after dark.  There were passages of spiccati that made peasants, in shoes with pointed toes, dance across his mind.  And quadruple stopping that previously had brought tears to his mother (sitting on the bed in his room, listening) and a sensation of traveling across the world and tack back to the ten-year-old.  All in all, he thought, it was a bravura piece admirably suited to showing the master his several talents.  “No doubt of it,” the mother assured him, “when Heifetz hears—“

It was a strange procession outside the door with the little star on it…the female fist, raised to strike again, followed by the mother who belonged to it (orangey red of hair and someone had drawn a single red crayon line across the face to signify the mouth)...the arm of the fist covered in Persian lamb, coming out of it the nail-bitten hand…the boy, then, attached to the apparatus…and behind him, holding his hand tightly with its small plastic handle, the violin case, held behind the boy’s back as if to protect the occupant (protected already by a diaper) from the fury behind the door that was opening…

Maestro Heifetz said curtly, “What will you play?” and when the boy told him, Heifetz said, “Well…” and then “uh” and then: “Would you first play—let us warm up—one faultless scale in A major.”  In A major…an open and honest scale…without caviling flats…calling for the fingers to broadly stride up the fingerboard, like the steps of men without guilt…a scale of the beef stews they ate, made of lean and large cubes of meat, a scale without pathos and perfectly suited for this lad of ten who liked to think of working men whistling.

I had wanted to ask if the assistant or whoever he was could leave us alone, but the person was tapping on his watch and I didn’t dare.  Stupefied (stupidly, I hadn’t practiced my scales and arpeggios), I tried—do-re-mi-fa—and suddenly Maestro gestured with his golden Strad stop.  “That was not a perfect A-scale.”

Heifetz said, “Well—again,” Little Mister Ten drawing the do in the form of a sustained slow bow, and next thing the boy knew, he was in the corridor hearing mother talk about the fine Czardas, by V. Monti the boy—

“Yes…well, perhaps anoth—“

—and then all three of them were in the corridor, Heifetz saying “GOODbye,” and mother petitioning for a rehearing the next time he came through.

Such was my story before Galamian heard my Monti and Vitalli.  The choice, you see, was the following.  And requires saying that Galamian, upon first hearing me play in that summer of thirteen, told Cerf that he would need another summer at Meadowmount to take a decision.  Which?  To accept me either at Juilliard or Curtis as master pupil.  In that interval, in the winter in Kansas City, waiting for the second summer to come, a junior in a high school I barely attended, I was visited (the Superintendent of Schools, whom my mother lobbied, arranged it), first by recruiters from Harvard—“You’re not a Harvard man, Mr. Blonsky,” they told me at interview’s end; and a month later by Yale recruiters to whom I very shortly said: “You’re not going to want me.  Harvard was here already and they told me I’m not a Harvard man.” 

“Why don’t you let us be the judge of that,” one of the recruiters said.  “Besides, we’re assessing you as a Yale man.”

And Yale man I was designated; early admission Ford Scholar.  I had no idea (nor would I have cared) that diversity was beginning, that the recruiters had a Jewish quota to fill.  I was, I think, ecstatic.  I had insurance.

But little did I know that Yale insurance policy would turn our to mean nothing to me.  For (it was summer now, my fifteenth year) and I was taking my lesson with Galamian when afterward, as I sat on this very different greensward, next to a huge old oak tree, who should approach me—“May I sit down with you?—but Cerf himself. 

What he told me made me cry.  And do things I never dreamt I would.

I could not remember his exact words, but luckily he wrote my mother immediately, in hand, in a green ink, and this is what he wrote, which is not what I was supposed to see and which I liberated from my household (it sits on my Roland Barthes shelf where I sit and write this, on a Saarinen table, calacatta white oval top on oval bottom, otherwise called statuario, the substitute for what I wanted once—to be a standing person, a solo performer in front of the community of cellos, double basses, oboes, tympani, my mother’s dream for me…

But I really don’t want to show it and thus show it again to myself.  It’s a death sentence.  And I felt and maybe knew it at the time.  I had practiced so diligently, climbed so high, entranced the deer…only to be dropped right at the lip of the mountaintop by the monster that would not let me walk on his plateau.  I even knew the Narcissus myth then, but I never thought to apply it to be.  I was wounded, so deeply wounded, in what I didn’t have the language to call…my narcissism.  Let me just speak on, around the missing letter…

In my amnesia, I do remember one thing Cerf told me Galamian told him.  “Don’t encourage him to join me; let him go to Yale and join the ruling class.  Do you want him in an orchestra the rest of his life?”

Di-es I-rae il-la sol-vet_ se-clum__in fa-vi-lla te-ste_ da-vid__ cum sy-bi-lla.  The day of wrath, that day, shall dissolve the world in ashes, as foretold by David and the Sibyl.  And now, Mr. G.  My day had come, I sat in ashes; I never knew, alas, of David and Sibyl, they might have prepared me.  Mr. G., God, my Judge.

I was left alone.  And I also remember this other thing: grabbing my arms as best I could around the trunk of the oak tree and praying to God (for I was then religious): “Please, God, return me to my seven-year-old body with my fifteen-year-old head so I can have the brains I have now and the flexibility for technique I didn’t have then.  I promise that I will…”  I forget what.  I had also forgotten that technique was the second of Galamian’s negative conclusions.  I forgot that I didn’t have the spark to be an immortal.  You see, I am remembering the letter.  I cannot let it rest in its shelf behind me. 

An immortal—that is what Galamian wanted from us.  And that is what I wanted to be—or was trained to want to be—at three.  And what I strove to be all my young life.  But it wasn’t young to me.  So much performing, so many encores, so many smiles and bows to the audience that I felt adult, fully formed, even old.  I remember as a child—I never had a childhood: let’s say child violinist—once waking up crying.  A nightmare, some figure or words telling me I would die someday.  My mother rushed into the room, soothing me, telling me, “No, no, Marshall.  Yours is a destiny for immortality.  I laughed in her arms.  She had banished tragedy, turned my life into comedy.  I could perform and smile again.

And at the time, so many years ago, hugging the tree for dear life, for dear immortality, weighing on me as I waited for God to respond, was an entire stack, a Ziggurat of paters: there was the pater in the form of mater, Dot, my mother; there was the prompt patriarch, father, who stood up to the bat, bought me the fiddle, the bow, when required; there was the deer above him; and above the deer's antlers, the Great Father, Mr. G…. and you know what that stands for.  What a tower pressing on a basement.  Impossible not to be a bug there.

Di-es I-rae il-la sol-vet_ se-clum__in fa-vi-lla te-ste_ da-vid__ cum sy-bi-lla.  The day of wrath, that day, shall dissolve the world in ashes, as foretold by David and the Sibyl.  And now, Mr. G.  My day had come, I sat in ashes; I never knew, alas, of David and Sibyl, they might have prepared me.  Mr. G., God, my Judge.

I can’t stop myself, I have to show the letter.  Mr_g_1

Mr_g_2 So there it is.  I pulled it from the bookshelf.  And I know, as I too read it now, that Cerf had betrayed me, never told me his negativity.   The deer had run from me

And at the time, so many years ago, hugging the tree for dear life, for dear immortality, weighing on me as I waited for God to respond, was an entire stack, a Ziggurat of patriarchs: there was the patriarch in the form of matriarch, mother; there was the prompt patriarch, father, who stood up to the bat, bought me the fiddle, the bow, when required; there was the deer above him; and above the deer's antlers, the Grand Patriarch, Mr. G…. and you know what that stands for.  What a tower pressing on a basement.  Impossible not to be a bug there.

I am blessedly amnesiac about the letter as I age.  If I do not write about it.  And I have never written about it save now.

Even in my amnesias, however, I almost always remember one thing Cerf told me Galamian told him.  “Don’t encourage him to join me; let him go to Yale and join the ruling class. Do you want him in an orchestra the rest of his life?”  In an orchestra… that was the abyss, that was Sheol, the Netherworld.  Impossible!   

But it was possible.  In fact, it was certain.  My fatum

Di-es I-rae il-la sol-vet_ se-clum__in fa-vi-lla te-ste_ da-vid__ cum sy-bi-lla.  The day of wrath, that day, shall dissolve the world in ashes, as foretold by David and the Sibyl.  And now, Mr. G.  My day had come, I sat in ashes; I never knew, alas, of David and Sibyl, they might have prepared me.  Mr. G., God, my Judge.

I was left alone.  And I also remember this other thing: grabbing my arms as best I could around the trunk of the oak tree and praying to God (for I was then religious): “Please, God, return me to my seven-year-old body with my fifteen-year-old head so I can have the brains I have now and the flexibility for technique I didn’t have then.  I promise that I will…”  I forget what.  I had also forgotten that technique was the second of Galamian’s negative conclusions.  I forgot that I didn’t have to spark to be an immortal.  An immortal—that is what Galamian wanted from us.  So there, weighing on me as I waited for God to respond, was an entire stack, a Ziggurat of patriarchs: there was the patriarch in form of matriarch, mother; there was the prompt patriarch, father, who stood up to the bat when required; there was the deer above him; and above the deer's antlers, the Grand Patriarch, Mr. G…. and you know what that stands for.  What a tower pressing on a basement.  Impossible not to be a bug. 

And since the bug sat and waited for God to send him back, aand…nothing, I went to…

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